Feeling particularly mushy today.
Not sure what it’s about entirely, but the fact that my dad passed away–one year ago- this month–may have something to do with it.
My father lived almost ten years after my mother died, and yet, when he left, it made her–my sweet mama–so much more…gone.
It felt like they both floated away on the same morning.
Oh, I know where they are, and I know they are safe and happy and together. And I know that we’ll all be with them again, someday.
That’s not it.
The thing is, I’m a tactile soul–I need to smush and grab and hold and pat and squeeze and nuzzle and pinch and lean on…and touch.
I’d like to touch my daddy’s whiskery face again…
…and hold my mama’s feathery-soft hands…one more time.
That is how things stay real to me.
This world–my world–is a funny, foreign place without Andrew Kirby in it.
It’s like, without his physical presence–his twinkly smile, his enormous hands, his healing, engulfing arms around me–a bright light dims.
But I realize now, that it’s the same light I used, to see my mother by, when she wasn’t here anymore.
I just wasn’t finished with them yet.
I miss them so much.
Makes the Millennium sound really good, right now–you know?
*****
“One Moment More”
Hold me
Even though I know you’re leaving
And show me
All the reasons you would stay
It’s just enough to feel your breath on mine
To warm my soul and ease my mind
You’ve got to hold me and show me now
Give me
Just one part of you to cling to
And keep me
Everywhere you are
It’s just enough to steal my heart and run
And fade out with the falling sun
Oh, please don’t go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
You’ve got to hold me and keep me
Tell me that someday you’ll be returning
And maybe
Maybe I’ll believe
It’s just enough to see a shooting star
To know you’re never really far
It’s just enough to see a shooting star
To know you’re never really gone
Oh, please don’t go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
Oh, please don’t go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
You’ve got to hold me and maybe I’ll believe
So hold me
Even though I know you’re leaving
You made me cry!
me too…
I think you are going to make everyone cry. It was nice seeing pictures of your mom & dad. Brought back memories of high school and when your family first moved into our ward. I always loved your Dad’s mustache. I loved both of your parents. I always felt welcome in their home.
I really dread the day that I will lose my parents. But I think every child does. Even though we know we will be with them again someday, it still makes the stay here lonely without them.
you should have a disclaimer to break out the tissues or something… they say that time heals, and it does to a certain point. My folks have been gone so long now and there can be months that i can just smile every time i think of them but I still have days when i think of them and I cry- and feel like an orphan- and it gives me incentive to not be grouchy when my kids pull me away from my desk to go to the gym because they too dont want to be an orphan….
Your folks were the best- your dad made me laugh and your mom was so gentle…
Look! My best friends all in one place!!
Mary Jo, Kim, and Sue.
I love you guys so much—thanks for this…
Yah RIGHT I’m going to click on that!!! I’m crying already and as much as I love that song I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to put it on my iPod… because then it will just randomly pop up and play and I’ll cry.
Grandma and Grandpa are amazing and I miss them. I’m glad they loved us and taught us sooo much. They left us, but they left us with you… sooo we’ll be ok! š
Thanks for this!
=) I just love your blog- it makes it seem like we arent so far apart, I have a little window looking into your lives! The girls blogs are great too- they write so much like you- you have done such a good job with all of them! They make me laugh! isnt it a nice feeling when we struggle to raise them and wonder if we’ve done the right thing to see these amazing people our kids grow up to be!
Remind me not to read stuff like this right before I start work in the morning. That’s what I did today and it took me a while to be able to see straight enough to work!
OKOKOKOKKOKOKOKOKOK
DANG GIRL! I’m so glad I have you for my sister! Thank you for putting words to MY feelings. I read this last night and bawled for half an hour! And then I read all the comments from Mary Jo, and Kim and Sue, and Bawled somemore! I cried so much I gave myself a headache! I love every one of those pictures! When I see them, I feel like I’m right there all over again! Mom used to always say “how fast” time was going by. Now that my kids are all but grown, I’m really beginning to understand what she meant! Man…I miss them so much! This was so beautiful… thankyou!
Oh Launi, My dear friend. I forgot it’s been a year!! Funny how everybodies lives go on and seem normal but for those of us who have temporaily lose dear ones in our life – Life truly is never the same. It does make one smile tho as you see the many tender mercies in our lives that has been given to us by a loving Heavenly Father.
I LUV U MAN!!! Sue B