Cinnamon Roll Wickedness

Heard the prophetic statement, “Wickedness never was happiness?” Of course it’s true, and I’m no heretic. However…

I’m afraid I’ve found one teensy, weensy exception.

Oh yeahhhhh. I just bet I’ve got your attention now. heh heh heh

One of my cute little moms in my cute little class brought a couple pans of these amazing…no, no…FABULOUS cinnamon rolls–and seriously, it was all I could do not to hang on her leg as she went out the door. Lucky for me, and now you–she is a very good recipe sharing girl (thanks *Megan!).

Before we start here, let me just make one gigantic disclaimer. This recipe makes a busload of cinnamon rolls–enough to pass around the neighborhood, maybe even the world. That’s not the disclaimer part.

This is…

If you make these unbelievable little babies–and I’m thinkin’ you will–and decide to eat the entire batch all by yourself, and the kids find you later that evening sitting on the floor of the pantry with frosting on your chin in a sticky cinnamon stupor—mumbling something about a cruise to Cozumel and Johnny Depp, well now, my friends, I’m just not going to take responsibility for that.

Any more than I took when it happened…

to…

me.

Go on–make them.

I dare you.

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The Perfect Cinnamon Rolls

Ingredients

4 cups milk

1 cup vegetable oil

1 cup sugar

2 pkgs. or 2 Tbsp. Dry Active Yeast

9 cups flour

1-1/2 tsp. baking powder

3/4 tsp. baking soda

1-1/2 tsp. salt

1-1/2 cups melted butter

1 cup sugar

Cinnamon

Mix milk, oil, and sugar in a large saucepan and heat to “scalding.” That means—just before it starts to boil. You don’t have to stir it the whole time but I would advise you not to wander off. It will boil over in a foamy-frothy-messy surge the second you do. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Turn off the heat and let it cool for about an hour. NOW you are free to explore the universe…for only an hour. Set a timer.

Once it rings, and you make sure it is lukewarm, sprinkle the yeast over the top. Leave it a few minutes to soften and do it’s thing.

When you come back, add 8 cups of flour to the mixture and stir it in. Cover with a warm, wet towel and let it sit for one hour. Now you are free to go again–until the timer rings.

Stir in the final cup of flour with the baking powder, soda and salt. Mix well, right there in the pan.

Flour the counter generously. Take half the dough at a time and pat it out into a rectangle.

Now start rolling it into a bigger and more glorious rectangle.

Gently smush up the edges a bit so that the next step works better. Pour the butter over the dough.

Now sprinkle 1 cup of sugar evenly over the dough.

Next, sprinkle cinnamon generously over the sugar. I thought I was going way over board, but seriously, we could have put even more and been good.

Starting from the far side, start rolling the dough as tightly as you can towards you.

When you get nearly to the end, stop rolling and carefully pull the dough edge up and pinch it to the roll. That will help keep all that sugary goodness inside the roll.

Butter four 9×15 pans and have them ready. You can cut the rolls in 1 inch slices with a knife or use the thread method (remember the pumpkin roll?).

Place them in the pans and let them sit and get to know each other for about 20 minutes.

Heat the oven to 400 degrees and cook these lovelies for 15-18 minutes–depending on your oven and how it behaves. You want them to be a light golden brown.

While that is happening–scurry on ahead and make this:

Evil Maple Frosting

Ingredients:

1-32 oz. bag powdered sugar

2 tsp. maple flavoring

3/4 cup of milk

1/4 cup melted butter

1/8 tsp. salt

Stir all the ingredients together in a mixer or by hand–whatever floats your boat.

When the cinnamon rolls are out of the oven and cooling safely away from any creature with a working sniffer–you can begin pouring the icing over the cinnamon rolls. 

Spread it around generously and don’t lick the spoon until you are completely finished…then you’re on your own.

Try to give the darlings their space for about 20-30 minutes to settle into their new sweet life—

before…

wolfing them down with shameless abandon

taking to the neighbors.

All is well in Zion.

Dude.

—————–

*Original “untweeked” recipe from Pioneer Woman

Cinnamon Roll Wickedness
 
Ingredients
  • 4 cups milk
  • 1 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 2 pkgs. or 2 Tbsp. Dry Active Yeast
  • 9 cups flour
  • 1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
  • ¾ tsp. baking soda
  • 1-1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1-1/2 cups melted butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • Cinnamon
Instructions
  1. Mix milk, oil, and sugar in a large saucepan and heat to “scalding.”
  2. Turn off the heat and let it cool for about an hour.
  3. Sprinkle the yeast over the top and leave it a few minutes to soften.
  4. Add 8 cups of flour to the mixture and stir it in.
  5. Cover with a warm, wet towel and let it sit for one hour.
  6. Stir in the final cup of flour with the baking powder, soda and salt.
  7. Mix well, right there in the pan.
  8. Flour the counter generously.
  9. Take half the dough at a time and pat it out into a rectangle.
  10. Now start rolling it into a bigger and more glorious rectangle.
  11. Gently smush up the edges a bit so that the next step works better.
  12. Pour the butter over the dough.
  13. Now sprinkle 1 cup of sugar evenly over the dough.
  14. Next, sprinkle cinnamon generously over the sugar.
  15. Starting from the far side, start rolling the dough as tightly as you can towards you.
  16. When you get nearly to the end, stop rolling and carefully pull the dough edge up and pinch it to the roll.
  17. Butter four 9×15 pans and have them ready.
  18. You can cut the rolls in 1 inch slices with a knife.
  19. Place them in the pans and let them sit and get to know each other for about 20 minutes.
  20. Heat the oven to 400 degrees and cook these lovelies for 15-18 minutes.
  21. You want them to be a light golden brown.
  22. Allow them to cool completely then frost.
Notes
Evil Maple Frosting Ingredients: 1-32 oz. bag powdered sugar 2 tsp. maple flavoring ¾ cup of milk ¼ cup melted butter ⅛ tsp. salt Stir all the ingredients together in a mixer. Spread it around generously on cooled cinnamon rolls.

Ahhh…Spring…

Have you ever wondered what on earth “Vernal Equinox” means? Well, my lovelies, I’ll tell you–and then you’ll be wise and all knowing…

like me.  :]

There are two days each year when daytime and nighttime hours are approximately equal– each being 12 hours long. One occurs between March 19 and 21 and is called the Vernal Equinox—or Spring’s Equal Night. Did you know that Easter is always the Sunday after the first full moon–after Equinox? I’ve always wondered how they figure all that stuff out.

Vernal Equinox in Vilnius, Lithuania    (The Daily Herald)

People all over the world celebrate this day with candle ceremonies, planting seeds and flowers and Spring feasts–that usually include eggs, cheese, seeds, potatoes, pork or fish and asparagus, which I suppose are considered particularly “springy” foods. Don’t you positively love any reason to make a day an unforgettable event?

It’s not too late–if you want to celebrate the return of Spring–and who doesn’t? Gather up your own festival foods and enjoy a family night planning your garden or working in the yard–at last, at last!

Truly–whatever means spring to you–today’s the day. Do it!

Irish Soda Bread

I’d never tried Irish Soda Bread until today–and oooohh–what we’ve been missing! A smooth, dense bread just waiting to be toasted or nibbled on plain…by the “little people.”

Much quicker than traditional yeast breads–just whip the ingredients together and bake. No “rise” time.

Irish Soda Bread

Ingredients

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups *buttermilk

Directions

Heat oven to 425 degrees F. Brush a pie or round cake pan with melted butter or spray with non-stick spray.
Combine dry ingredients in a deep bowl. Gradually stir in buttermilk, beating constantly, until dough is smooth.
Pour into prepared pan…it won’t be long now!
Bake at 425 degrees F for about 45 minutes, or until the top is golden.
Serve hot…

*Note: If you don’t have buttermilk on hand–a fair substitute is to add 1 tsp. lemon juice to each cup of regular milk, wait 3-5 minutes, then use wherever buttermilk is called for.

with jam.

Ooohh, baby.

Found this sweet thing originally on Recipezaar.

Irish Soda Bread
 
Ingredients
  • 4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups *buttermilk
Instructions
  1. Heat oven to 425 degrees F.
  2. Brush a pie or round cake pan with melted butter or spray with non-stick spray.
  3. Combine dry ingredients in a deep bowl.
  4. Gradually stir in buttermilk, beating constantly, until dough is smooth.
  5. Pour into prepared pan…it won’t be long now!
  6. Bake at 425 degrees F for about 45 minutes, or until the top is golden.
  7. Serve hot.

Won Ton Kisses

Yeah, a whole lot of kiss’in going on around here…

the chocolate kind.

:]

Start with a couple of simple ingredients: Hershey’s Kisses and Won Ton Wraps (found in the produce section of the grocery store).

Dip your finger in a dish of water and make a water stripe along all four edges of the dough.

Place a “kiss” in the middle of the square…

and pinch the opposite corners together.

Then bring the next two corners up and pinch them.

Gently seal the side until you have a million cute little packages.

You can get really fancy if you want…or not.

Fry them in hot oil for a few minutes–until they turn golden brown.

Dust with powdered sugar…

and prepare for a very happy evening.

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Won Ton Kisses
 
Ingredients
  • Hershey's Kisses
  • Won Ton Wraps
Instructions
  1. Dip your finger in a dish of water and make a water stripe along all four edges of the dough.
  2. Place a "kiss" in the middle of the square and pinch the opposite corners together.
  3. Then bring the next two corners up and pinch them.
  4. Gently seal the side until you have a million cute little packages.
  5. Fry them in hot oil for a few minutes--until they turn golden brown.
  6. Dust with powdered sugar.

Candy Bar Hot Cocoa

No–that is not a big ice cube in my cup…it’s a chocolate marshmallow. You should be so jealous. Truly.

So, let’s just say you’re in the mood for a nice warm cup of hot chocolate. As you look in the cupboard, you realize that you are out of ye old “Swiss Miss.” No problem, you think. We’ll just do the back woods thing and make it from scratch. Fine…until you open the cocoa canister and find that there is only a dusting left at the bottom. Now what?!

But wait! What’s this? Could it be a couple of 3 Musketeers bars in the back there–hiding out for that certain craving that you get at 10:30pm sometimes?

That’s all you’re going to need my friend. Wait’ll you read this.

Candy Bar Hot Cocoa

Ingredients:

1½ cups chopped 3 MUSKETEERS® Bars
3 cups lowfat milk
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon, plus more for dusting
2 tablespoons whipped cream

Directions:

1. Combine the candy with the milk and ground cinnamon in a small saucepan. Bring to a simmer over medium heat, stirring constantly until the candy is completely melted.
2. Pour into mugs. Add a cinnamon stick–if you like, and top with a small dollop of whipped cream–or one of those gigantic marshmallows from William Sonoma. Sorry. I love them. Dust with a sprinkling of cinnamon.

As you sip try to avoid giggling your head off at your own decadence.

Yeah, good luck with that.

heh.