Heard the prophetic statement, “Wickedness never was happiness?” Of course it’s true, and I’m no heretic. However…
I’m afraid I’ve found one teensy, weensy exception.
Oh yeahhhhh. I just bet I’ve got your attention now. heh heh heh
One of my cute little moms in my cute little class brought a couple pans of these amazing…no, no…FABULOUS cinnamon rolls–and seriously, it was all I could do not to hang on her leg as she went out the door. Lucky for me, and now you–she is a very good recipe sharing girl (thanks *Megan!).
Before we start here, let me just make one gigantic disclaimer. This recipe makes a busload of cinnamon rolls–enough to pass around the neighborhood, maybe even the world. That’s not the disclaimer part.
This is…
If you make these unbelievable little babies–and I’m thinkin’ you will–and decide to eat the entire batch all by yourself, and the kids find you later that evening sitting on the floor of the pantry with frosting on your chin in a sticky cinnamon stupor—mumbling something about a cruise to Cozumel and Johnny Depp, well now, my friends, I’m just not going to take responsibility for that.
Any more than I took when it happened…
to…
me.
Go on–make them.
I dare you.
The Perfect Cinnamon Rolls
Ingredients
4 cups milk
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup sugar
2 pkgs. or 2 Tbsp. Dry Active Yeast
9 cups flour
1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1-1/2 tsp. salt
1-1/2 cups melted butter
1 cup sugar
Cinnamon
Mix milk, oil, and sugar in a large saucepan and heat to “scalding.” That means—just before it starts to boil. You don’t have to stir it the whole time but I would advise you not to wander off. It will boil over in a foamy-frothy-messy surge the second you do. Don’t ask me how I know this.
Turn off the heat and let it cool for about an hour. NOW you are free to explore the universe…for only an hour. Set a timer.
Once it rings, and you make sure it is lukewarm, sprinkle the yeast over the top. Leave it a few minutes to soften and do it’s thing.
When you come back, add 8 cups of flour to the mixture and stir it in. Cover with a warm, wet towel and let it sit for one hour. Now you are free to go again–until the timer rings.
Stir in the final cup of flour with the baking powder, soda and salt. Mix well, right there in the pan.
Flour the counter generously. Take half the dough at a time and pat it out into a rectangle.
Now start rolling it into a bigger and more glorious rectangle.
Gently smush up the edges a bit so that the next step works better. Pour the butter over the dough.
Now sprinkle 1 cup of sugar evenly over the dough.
Next, sprinkle cinnamon generously over the sugar. I thought I was going way over board, but seriously, we could have put even more and been good.
Starting from the far side, start rolling the dough as tightly as you can towards you.
When you get nearly to the end, stop rolling and carefully pull the dough edge up and pinch it to the roll. That will help keep all that sugary goodness inside the roll.
Butter four 9×15 pans and have them ready. You can cut the rolls in 1 inch slices with a knife or use the thread method (remember the pumpkin roll?).
Place them in the pans and let them sit and get to know each other for about 20 minutes.
Heat the oven to 400 degrees and cook these lovelies for 15-18 minutes–depending on your oven and how it behaves. You want them to be a light golden brown.
While that is happening–scurry on ahead and make this:
Evil Maple Frosting
Ingredients:
1-32 oz. bag powdered sugar
2 tsp. maple flavoring
3/4 cup of milk
1/4 cup melted butter
1/8 tsp. salt
Stir all the ingredients together in a mixer or by hand–whatever floats your boat.
When the cinnamon rolls are out of the oven and cooling safely away from any creature with a working sniffer–you can begin pouring the icing over the cinnamon rolls. 
Spread it around generously and don’t lick the spoon until you are completely finished…then you’re on your own.
Try to give the darlings their space for about 20-30 minutes to settle into their new sweet life—
before…
wolfing them down with shameless abandon…
taking to the neighbors.
All is well in Zion.
Dude.
—————–
*Original “untweeked” recipe from Pioneer Woman
Cinnamon Roll Wickedness
- 4 cups milk
- 1 cup vegetable oil
- 1 cup sugar
- 2 pkgs. or 2 Tbsp. Dry Active Yeast
- 9 cups flour
- 1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
- ¾ tsp. baking soda
- 1-1/2 tsp. salt
- 1-1/2 cups melted butter
- 1 cup sugar
- Cinnamon
- Mix milk, oil, and sugar in a large saucepan and heat to “scalding.”
- Turn off the heat and let it cool for about an hour.
- Sprinkle the yeast over the top and leave it a few minutes to soften.
- Add 8 cups of flour to the mixture and stir it in.
- Cover with a warm, wet towel and let it sit for one hour.
- Stir in the final cup of flour with the baking powder, soda and salt.
- Mix well, right there in the pan.
- Flour the counter generously.
- Take half the dough at a time and pat it out into a rectangle.
- Now start rolling it into a bigger and more glorious rectangle.
- Gently smush up the edges a bit so that the next step works better.
- Pour the butter over the dough.
- Now sprinkle 1 cup of sugar evenly over the dough.
- Next, sprinkle cinnamon generously over the sugar.
- Starting from the far side, start rolling the dough as tightly as you can towards you.
- When you get nearly to the end, stop rolling and carefully pull the dough edge up and pinch it to the roll.
- Butter four 9×15 pans and have them ready.
- You can cut the rolls in 1 inch slices with a knife.
- Place them in the pans and let them sit and get to know each other for about 20 minutes.
- Heat the oven to 400 degrees and cook these lovelies for 15-18 minutes.
- You want them to be a light golden brown.
- Allow them to cool completely then frost.
Evil Maple Frosting Ingredients: 1-32 oz. bag powdered sugar 2 tsp. maple flavoring ¾ cup of milk ¼ cup melted butter ⅛ tsp. salt Stir all the ingredients together in a mixer. Spread it around generously on cooled cinnamon rolls.
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