Category: Health

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Arrowed

Ever wonder what a person’s leg would look like if it got shot by an arrow? Well, I’ve never thought about it, but I got the info first hand anyway…or first leg…or…nevermind.

crackers-004

Ok, ok. So not shot exactly. More like arrowed. Yes, that would probably be a better word. Arrowed just above the knee.

No, it wasn’t a passing Boy Scout working on his merit badges. He got that one at Scout Camp.

No, it didn’t have anything to do with Cupid. I have a restraining order out on that guy–and any grown man in a diaper, for that matter.

No, it wasn’t a violent ambush by a pack of crazed Aborigines. I would have seen that coming.

Trust me.  This was worse.

Unbeknown to me the said arrow was covertly poking it’s mean little tail feathers out from the top of a box…in the hallway…where I was innocently walking…when it leaped out and attacked me.

All right. All right.

I walked right into it.

Arrowed–shot. Shot–arrowed. What’s the difference? All I know is that the pain was like being bit by a Rhino–do they bite? Oh, who cares. It nearly dropped me to the floor. The room seriously spun while I stood there trying to figure out what had just happened in this previously benign hallway.

In other words…it hurt like crap.

I’ll never see that hallway in exactly the same light again. In fact, next time I’ll turn on the light before I venture forth. That would’ve helped.

Sheesh.

(Just imagine the whining if it had been the pointed end!)

Have a Wonderful Memorial Day Everyone!

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An Apple a Day…

Update–

New Year’s Goal #7

“To eat more healthily and cut wayyyy back on sugar–so that I can be here to play with my babies for a long, long time.”

Who wouldn’t want that?

Too bad, all I can say here is a great, big, “Yikes!”

Actually, believe it or not, I was doing great for about 5 weeks. Sugar and I were barely speaking…

Oh, I wasn’t doing too much label reading or anything–it was more like just not eating the cookie, or donut, or ice cream. Now and then I’d make a treat or something and taste it, but honestly, skipping it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.

For me, the secret was to  tell myself that I could have whatever I wanted–if I REALLY wanted it. However, I needed to drink water first–which magically made an apple sound and taste better.

Anyway, it worked. The weight was coming off. Wahooo!

Until, that is, the evil Easter candy came along. It was bad, as you may remember.

There’s more. What you didn’t know–unless you’ve been to my house in the last week–is that one quick trip to a town called Logan and you can really end up with a kink in your cart.  Logan is a two hour drive from my place and so whenever we go there, we always stop at the Gossner’s Cheese Outlet. Sounds harmless enough.

We buy Provalone, Swiss, Mozzarella, Smokey Gouda…

…squeeky Cheddar.

…and root beer milk. Incredible.

These things are pretty much good for you, right?— so I’m not worried. Also, when it’s as fresh as you can possibly get it–yeah, the cows are right outside the back door– I can’t feel really bad about this place.

Sadly, now we come to the truly evil part of the story.

Down the road a spell from Logan, there is a great, huge, magical factory that no doubt employs hundreds and thousands of people, thus raising the standard of living in the Logan area to a…um…well, a higher standard.

That’s a plus–right? Of course, right.

The frightening news is that this factory is…a…dare I say it?

I dare…

a…cookie factory. You should be screaming right about now.

Here is how we handled the Pepperidge Farm Cookie Outlet.

There are no words to describe it. In fact, this whole experience may require some intense group therapy…

we can meet at my house…I have cookies! HA!

Ok, ok…seriously. I’m ready to behave again. Truly, I am.

And to prove my determination–

First: I put all my Easter candy in the bald kid room. Trust me, it now has the life expectancy of a sycamore moth.

Some clapping here–please.

Second: I put new twist ties on the cookie bags and ate a banana instead of ripping a big hole in the Milano bag–as previously planned.

A bit of cheering is in order now.

Thirdly: Later in the day, instead of downing 47 Brussels and 22 Piroettes, I opted for a handful of the babys’ animal cookies…and they weren’t even good.

Ovations…anyone?

I intend to be thin and gorgeous really soon so I can play with my babies forever. Or at least to fit better in an squishy, ridiculous airplane seat. I’ll do it–you’ll see.

In the meantime…I have a hot date with a treadmill.

Toss me an apple, would ya?

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To Your Health…

I don’t know about you, but when there’s a new baby in the building–like that pretty thing shown above–we all get a little bit nutty about washing our hands and using antibacterial sanitizers, and keeping sick people about 22 miles away and, well– generally doing everything we can do to keep ourselves healthy in order to keep her healthy.

My dear friend Lynnette gave us a huge tip a while back that has helped a ton to keep the sniffles away. Believe it or not, it is cranberries! Yeah, I know. Those funny little sour things we string with popcorn and hang on the Christmas tree. But did you know that they are a very potent antiviral as well? That means they are beneficial to your resistance of viruses. Beat that. Here’s more info if you don’t believe me.

This time of year, it’s good to know something that really helps but of course, you have to eat them to get the benefits, not just hang them around your neck. Problem is–have you ever chomped good and hard into a cranberry? If so, you know they are almost too sour to eat–certainly too sour to enjoy.

The good news is that if you toss the bag of berries in the freezer overnight, they become the perfect add-in to your favorite fruit smoothie. And believe it or not–whipped up this way, they actually taste fabulous!

If I were you, I’d go grab some cranberries from your produce section before they’re gone for the season. It’s worth it.

New Year’s Goal #9

To eat more healthily and cut wayyyy back on sugar–so that I can be here to play with my babies for a long, long time.