The Bald Kid’s Frankenstein

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Nothing beats a good book. Everybody knows that…

Our family book club finished the Chocolate Touch last week, and promptly moved on to Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. Ewwwww…Not so sure how I’m feeling about that. Perhaps I’ve shared with you my sentiments on severed body parts. And now, the fact that some nutty guy has sewn a bunch of them together, hooked up some jumper cables to the dead dude and has him stomping around scaring people doesn’t make me feel any better. I know, I know…I haven’t read it yet, so how can I possibly judge? Right?

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Yeah, well, maybe I haven’t read the book, but I have seen the movie. Ok, not the real movie, but the Abbott and Costello version and that’s good enough for me. The monster does have some pretty cool boots but the stitches in his head really creep me out. And his eyes…why doesn’t he open his eyes? If he did, maybe he could put his arms down and walk like a normal…ummm…dead guy and not draw so much attention to himself.

Ok, I admit it. I’m stalling. But I have good reason to. It all stems from the fact that Frankenstein and I go waaay back. Back before most people reading this were even born.

Yeah, I’m that old.

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Anyway…so I have this big brother, right? My sister and I share a room with him and he has a few strange hobbies.

1. He collects bugs, and moths and spiders and pins them to a styrofoam block…sometimes while they are still kicking. Vile.

2. He saves dead things in the patio freezer–like an old owl and a huge tarantula because someday, he’s going to be a taxidermist and he wants to be ready, so he’s saving up. Disgusting.

3. He has a thing for building toy models. Not car models, or plane models, ohhh nooo. The only kind he is interested in are the monsters. He has Dracula-with blood running down his face. He has Wolfman-with his dirty, pointy teeth. He has Creature from the Black Lagoon–with green and silver claws. All very, very nasty.

But the dumb model that really kept me awake at night, the one that I couldn’t take my eyes off when I was in the room alone, the one that looked like he was gonna swagger right off that ledge and pinch me in the neck with his creepy out stretched hands, was Frankinstein. Of course he was carefully arranged on a shelf right across from my bed. The better to see him with.

Photo from IMDB

You know, I wasn’t stupid. I knew it was a silly piece of plastic, glued together and painted by my morbid brother…Igor. But the thing that got me, that kept me wondering and tossing in my little seven-year-old sleep, was the fact that my brother…Boris, loved to tell me that someday when he had enough money, he was going to go down to the hobby shop and buy a motor. He was going to put that motor in old Frankie-boy’s back and bring him to life where he could promptly take good care of any annoying little sisters that might happen along. No jumper cables needed. Listen, my brother was Vlad the Impaler so, yeah, I believed him. OK maybe I was stupid.

At any rate, what it boils down to is that Dr. Frankenstein’s monster and I are not pals. Not even close. But I’ll read the dang book, because it’s Rhen’s tough-guy choice and I want to be a sport. So it better be good. But when it’s my turn to choose, you better believe, I’m gonna make them all read Little Women or something so girly that their toenails curl up.

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Because nothing beats a good book. Everybody know that…

7 Replies to “The Bald Kid’s Frankenstein”

  1. Great story. I didn’t know that Andy was so morbid. Is he still? Brandon loved to stick insects to Styrofoam boards when he was young as well. I too have a problem with severed body parts, but Frankenstein doesn’t really scare me. Probably cause I loved the movie “Young Frankenstein”.

  2. No, my brother actually feels kinda bad about some of that stuff–but he was just a kid. He’s a wonderful, wise, gentle fellow these days–and we love him so much.

  3. So I love to read also, but I tend to neglect let’s say…EVERYTHING when I’m reading a good book. That’s why I hadn’t actually started reading Twilight until this past Monday. I knew I would love it, so I didn’t start it until I knew I’d have time to read it straight through. I figured since the movie is coming out, and I know I’ll want to see the movie, I’d better get it read. Finished it in a day, rarely putting it down. It’s a good thing I only bought the first one, or I’d have been a bad wife/mother this week! Hopefully my neighbor will let me borrow the second one….maybe I’ll limit myself to one book a week. Or maybe I should just read them all as fast as possible to get them over with! 🙂 The crappy thing is that at the end of the first book, it has the first chapter of New Moon…so I’ve read the first chapter and was left hanging at a worse place than if I’d have just ended Twilight….when will I learn? 🙂

  4. I dont do scary stuff- wont watch anything with monsters or vampires-I will occasionally pick up a Patricia Cromwell book- where the main character is a coroner and there are some with serial killers- i have to have the day dedicated to finishing the book and I have to know that I wont be alone that night, because there are things that go bump in the night and I am afraid of all of them!

  5. Okay, it’s 4:05 and I finally am on the computer to try this again. Hey, you made me just laugh out loud reading about your new book choice – I love the way you write! Tell me about your family book club, it sounds so cool.
    Hopefully this will get through and I will be entered into the drawing for the tickets. Not sure I’m brave enough for the movie but I’m willing to take a chance for my Carlie.
    Keep writing and sharing. Your site is amazing!

  6. This is so cute! I am so glad Dane told me to read it. Your blog makes me laugh every single day and I thoroughly enjoy reading these silly, but totally relate able stories. My brother used to taunt me with things when I was little, and I still to this day get squirmish about them. Thanks for tonight’s laugh!

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